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Yo... it's the Super Rap





SuperWrap 2, 2017

“Stop!”

There used to be a time when there were only two acceptable responses to that order. You either went “… Hammer time!” or “…collaborate and listen”.

A clear case of choose your poison . . .

It was to such a binary world that we were all confined until a man by the name of Andrew Darlington came to our rescue.

Darlington set us free. He took the budding genre of rap music and elevated it to unthinkable heights when he released his hit song 'Shark Attack' just about 20 years ago.

It was an immediate hit with its strong beats and catchy hook. It was in the verses, however, that the true connoisseur struck gold.

Darlington’s genius was to take ordinary rugby players and allow them the freedom to express their inner-thug on a tape recorder. The results were spectacular.

“Yo, I’m Mark, the best in the land. I’d rather play lock than sing in this band,” opined captain Andrews rhythmically, conjuring up images of a young Tupac (a very young one, probably just out of his nappies).

Here was a man equally comfortable with the varying subtleties of the ABCB rhyme scheme and lineout calls. This was art!

“Hi, I’m Andre. Jouba to my friends
I cross the line again and again
They call me the Rolls, back at fullback
You better get ready for a Sharks attack,” said someone with the laid-back tones of an Afrikaans Snoop Dogg. Never has more truth been spat into a mic with so little enthusiasm.

Durban’s very own notorious B.I.G wasn’t going to miss out:
“Yo I’m Ollie when I’ve got the ball I just can wait for a ruck or maul,” came a statement so solid, not even the man himself could cut it into lines.

If you're brave - or foolish enough - click here . . .

Those were the days. Every braai south of Van Reenen’s had a boombox next to it blasting these wisdoms out into the speechless night skies.

I am reminded of those good times now, because I saw something on Friday that made me think that they may be heading back to Durban very soon.

The Sharks gave a performance in Canberra last weekend so out of the ordinary, it could again turn an entire genre on its head.

Their 27-22 win over the Brumbies was so un-South African that even the pilot had to double-check the destination before he flew them back home.

South African rugby dogma is that the team that makes the least mistakes will win. That means the winner will be the team that kicks the ball most, handles it least and plays nothing but the percentages.

The Sharks won in Australia’s capital doing the exact opposite. The Sharks ran the ball a 100m further than the Brumbies, carried it 16 more times, passed it 30 times extra with more than double the number of offloads.

They also did the unthinkable: they kicked it out of hand less than their opponents.

Don’t choke on your brandy just yet, though. The best is yet to come.

It was with the scores tied at 22-22 and with time officially out that they decided to tear up their ID books. In possession and within kicking range they decided not to crash the ball up next to the breakdown until they milked the penalty. Instead they upped the tempo, spun it wide and watched Curwin Bosch and Lukhanyo Am turn risk into rapturous reward.

The Sharks won, and they won it the way the rugby gods intended. The winning points came from a full-on, all-in attack - sparking celebrations of the exact same kind.

Their win on Friday was so far removed from the dull and dreary Jake White-era gameplan as their rap song of yesteryear was from a Rina Hugo tranetrekker. This was art!

The win leaves them with a solid foundation, both in terms of confidence and log points, as they look ahead to an inviting fixtures list. They are done with touring as we know it, having to only leave our shores twice more (on separate occasions) during the 2017 regular season. They have eight home games ahead of them still, of which three will be against the relatively weak Australian conference.

There is a hungry Lions side that lies between them and the conference trophy, so very few are willing to admit that they’ve started dreaming. But everyone now knows that these Sharks are here to make their mark. Indelible and unique.

Good times are coming back to Durban.

All we need now is an updated rap song to go with it.

Allow me:

“Yo, I’m Pat, Lambie’s the name
Unlike this song, our play isn’t lame
Dust off your jersey, put it on your back
It's time for a brand-new Shark Attack”

*drops mic

Here is our team of the week, based on last weekend’s performances only. Can't touch this.....

Bok Barometer for week two:
15. SP Marais (Stormers), 14. Malcolm Jaer (Kings), 13. Lukhanyo Am (Sharks), 12. Rohan Janse van Rensburg (Lions), 11. Raymond Rhule (Cheetahs), 10. Fred Zeilinga (Cheetahs), 9. Jano Vermaak (Stormers), 8. Sikhumbuzo Notshe (Stormers), 7. Oupa Mohoje (Cheetahs), 6. Jaco Kriel (Lions), 5. Pieter-Steph du Toit (Stormers), 4. Ruan Botha (Sharks), 3. Coenie Oosthuizen (Sharks), 2. Robbie Coetzee (Lions), 1. Ox Nché (Cheetahs).

Top tries:

Here is a collection of the best tries scored during Round Two of this year’s tournament:

BEST OF SOCIAL MEDIA


Making the States great again?

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Not even AB was watching the cricket on Saturday. This tweet came through five minutes after his dismissal. With that jersey, we've heard claims that he doesn't watch rugby either.

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Beautiful pic of a sunset, spoiled somewhat by an Aussie derby in the foreground.

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Good pun, are you sure it is this SuperSport's comments section?

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He must be lyin'

It was a strange hour of waiting as the Lions took ages to get to their post-match press conference after the romp against the Waratahs in the afternoon game of Super Rugby on Saturday.

While there were anxious glances between officials, eventually Johan Ackermann appeared and joked that the team was thinking about who to rest ahead of their trip to Argentina this week.

Given the implications that decision had last year, there were a few nervous chuckles, especially when Ackermann followed it up with “I’m serious.”

But a few seconds later the broad smile returned to the coach as he obviously was joking.

Too soon, coach, too soon.

Matt takes the gloss off

As England power on to their world record for consecutive wins, there will be a fine amount of banter in the Antipodes about whether Eddie Jones’s record truly is a record.

After all, while it isn’t on par with Cyprus’ world record run, England’s record – if they get it – will always have an asterix behind it.

As Matt Burke put it so eloquently this week “the best team in the world never to beat the best team in the world.”

Ok, Matt. Just as long as you remember that New Zealand never had to face the All Blacks either.

Still, go Scotland!


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