It’s just not rugby

One of the funniest sights I’ve seen on a rugby field occurred during an experiment to trial the effectiveness of two referees and the opposing teams were simultaneously awarded a penalty.

It happened at Stellenbosch after Doc Craven decided to trial the efficacy of having two match officials in the (still to be resolved) quest to ensure accurate, consistent and reliable refereeing.

The referees involved were South Africa’s leading duo at the time; Freek Burger, later to take on the role of head of referees at SA Rugby and former Springbok centre Wynand Mans.

It seemed to be going quite well until, at a melee in front of the grandstand, both officials blew hard on their whistles, raised their arms aloft and with their backs to each other awarded both sides a penalty.

For a moment Burger and Mans seemed to be at a loss on how to resolve the comical situation but then decided to go with the first offence even though there was some doubt as to which of the teams had committed it.

It was not the outcome Doc Craven had hoped for and the upshot was that the “two referees” idea was shelved and, even though there have been suggestions that it should be re-visited, I have never seen it tried again.

The implication that “no-one really knows what’s going on” came to mind while watching dire Heineken Cup action from up north over the holidays.

My first impression was that they play a completely different game in this competition, in part dictated by shocking weather and field conditions, but then I realised that it’s not just them it’s all of us.

To talk of rugby having a law book (to quote Craven: “Rugby has laws all other sports have rules”) is a joke because the game has moved so far away from its own statutes that it is stretching a point to call it rugby.

Referees blow according to what has become the norm or in the way they are pressurised to by coaches or agree among themselves - and those in the Heineken Cup are often also seen in charge of test matches (including, still, the erratic Wayne Barnes).

They are thus dictating a game that is written down nowhere and that is why the rugby that is currently being played is so turgid and fraught with controversy.

In fact, watching the Heineken Cup, there are no laws. Everything is down to the subjective interpretation of the referee and the officials are in no position to turn around and say: “I blew the law.”

At every breakdown the players go off their feet, at every breakdown there is blatant hands in the ruck, at every breakdown the defenders deliberately line up ahead of the hindmost foot, at every breakdown the wide defenders are clearly off-sides, at every breakdown players join in the side, every scrum is fed crookedly, players are constantly played off or without the ball and most of the lineout laws are simply ignored.

The upshot is a game so lacking in momentum or dynamism, closer to the 30-man wrestling than chess at full pace, that I frankly struggle to watch it.

It’s just not rugby and staggeringly the donkeys of Dublin sit by and do nothing about it.

I’ll say it again, as I have many times before and I’m sure I will have to again, let’s get back to blowing the law as it is written in the book and not as we think it should be. That way the epidemic of cheating, encouraged by coaches and players alike, will be curbed and the inconsistency of referees, to a large extent, eliminated.