Devastated, an emotional 24 hours

Never before in my 15-year career as a rugby writer has there been such an emotional 24 hours as what I’ve just gone through.

As I sit here in the murky cold and wet that is Rotorua, halfway en route to Auckland, it has been difficult to fathom the emotions that have gone through my head.

I’ve sat and watched the game for a second time, and in the four hours here to Rotorua, my colleague Gavin Rich and I debated almost every aspect of the game as we drove through the lush green hills and small towns between Wellington and the geyser capital.

First let’s get the obvious out of the way. Yes, the Boks lost to Australia and yes, the breakdown was reffed questionably. There was no daylight, and what we all thought constitutes a ruck was viciously ripped apart by referee Bryce Lawrence.

David Pocock was given the freedom of the park, and made full use of it. The Boks, with more ball than they’ve had in any test match, managed to fluff chances, either through knock-ons or forward passes. Every 50-50 call went against the Boks, and still they dominated every phase of the game, bar the scoreboard.

As a rugby writer, It is often difficult to watch a game with such high stakes as this. You need to keep a sense of composure, not be too patriotic and not let your bias override your ability to be fair and measured.

On a day when the Boks did everything they could to win, except score the points, it was a draining 80 minutes. My colleagues and I, sitting in a room full of international journalists, were gobsmacked. It was over. We were still wondering how it all had gone wrong when a Welsh journalist called me over.

“Sorry that you guys are out, but you never had a chance with the way the breakdown was reffed,” he offered, patting his condolences on my shoulder.

As I stumbled to the press conference, a French journalist showed me his copy, where he slagged Lawrence for ruining the spectacle and “undoing a worthy Springbok victory.”

Over the years it has been easy to blame the ref, and while I was angry and emotional, I kept on telling myself we should have made more of our opportunities. It’s a belief I still keep, although watching the replay reaffirmed how bad Lawrence actually was.

The emotions really were flowing when Peter de Villiers and John Smit started singing each other’s praises, talking about the journey of the last four years. While many people have axes to grind with Div, this was a night where the Boks played like World Champions, and nothing he could have done would have changed anything.

As we walked back to our hotel, a few of us decided to go for a beer. As we walked in at the Occidental, the manager Marc walked straight up to us with a beer in hand saying: “These are on me – someone has to apologise for that reffing performance" (actually he used a few different words, but this is a family site).

It carried on over the course of the next morning. Aussies stopped me and gave me condolences. “We didn’t deserve to win it” they said. A bookshop owner told me not all Kiwis were like that. So it went on.

The problem is that no matter what we all think of the game, the moment is gone. Four years' work is over, the team is en route home and several Springbok legends won’t ever don the green and gold again.

In some cases we needed to select differently in some positions. In others, the older men showed their worth and experience.

Australia march on – and whoever you blame for their victory, remember they defended superbly, and were exceptional under pressure.

It’s a sad end to the Bok campaign, and one – as Gavin rightly points out – that leaves so many unanswered questions.

Just how good was this Bok team at this World Cup? Now we’ll never know.