The match programme carries penpics of both squads and asks, amongst other questions, who the players regard as the "Coolest Cricketer" in the world, their favourite ground, favourite food and "All-time sporting hero."

Graeme Smith, Johan Botha, Mark Boucher and Justin Ontong opt for seven-time Tour de France winner Armstrong while the golfers are J-P Duminy, Jacques Kallis, Morne Morkel and Vernon Philander.

Dale Steyn and AB de Villiers both name Jonty Rhodes as their ultimate sporting hero while Andre Nel opts for mentor Shaun Pollock. Makhaya Ntini lists Malcolm Marshall, as Pollock no doubt would have done had he still been playing while Albie Morkel names Roger Federer. Herschelle Gibbs surprised nobody with the name 'Viv Richards'.

West Indians Chris Gayle and Marlon Samuels are voted for twice in the 'Coolest' category as is Monde Zondeki but all three are outscored by Gibbs who gains three votes.

The 'favourite food' section elicits few surprises although Hashim Amla's preference for 'Turkish cuisine' is unusual while Steyn, Boucher and Albie Morkel prefer sushi. Andre Nel lives up to his reputation with a double serving of red meat: "Spaghetti bolognaise with a boerewors roll on the side."

But for the most South African of all replies it was necessary to turn the page. Favourite ground: Newlands. All-time sporting hero: Ernie Els. Favourite food: Braai.

The respondent? England captain, Kevin Pietersen.

South Africa have played international cricket in some interesting places since 1992. Guwahati, and Indore would rank amongst the more interesting in India while Peshawar kept everyone on their toes in Pakistan. Devonport in Tasmania, with respect, was more suited to hosting a couple of under-13 teams while the visitors changing room at the expensively refurbished Oval in London was so small that South Africa had to send half their bags back to the hotel the day before the fourth Test match in order for the whole squad to be able to squash inside together.

But nowhere in world cricket are the players facilities as woeful as they are at Headingley. The home of Yorkshire cricket appears to take a perverse pride in its wretched, rugby-style changing rooms situated underneath the main stand with no view of the playing field. A single viewing balcony, to be shared by both teams (batting team takes precedence) seats approximately six - at a push.

It was all too much for the free-spirited Makhaya Ntini during the Proteas opening one-dayer against England. Makkie needs his space, not to mention a little interaction with people. So for the first half of South Africa's run chase he could be found seated amongst the crowd - admittedly in the 'comfortable' seats - where he happily signed autographs and had his picture taken for over an hour.

Former England captain Michael Atherton - the one-time 'Captain Grumpy' - has made a hugely popular and successful transition to both commentary and press box where his humour and humility have more than made up for the lack of grace with which he often treated the media in his playing days.

He raised an eyebrow or two a couple of days ago, however, when he described the media corps as a collection of "drunks, gamblers, skivers, geeks and scoundrels" during one day's match report in The Times. The man himself, of course, is very firmly in the 'gamblers' bracket having written a book on the subject and played professional poker. He will, no doubt, take the publication of the following anecdote in his stride.

45 minutes after a day's Test cricket is ususally the most tense of the day in the press box. Match reporters are flat out and the 'quotes men' have just arrived back from the press conference, tense and anxious to meet deadlines. It is the quietest time of the day, the most prevalent sound being the hurried, two-fingered bashing of laptop keyboards. Suddenly, a disembodied women's voice was echoing loudly around the box. "...And don't forget you promised to drop the kids off at Granma's, and we've got dinner at John and Noreen's tomorrow night, and..."

"How do I turn the volume down??" whispered an anxious Athers. "The whole press box can hear you...shhhh!" There is a time to Skype your wife, and there is a time not to Skype your wife.

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