Indian tales of the unknown

Indian test captain Anil Kumble remains a shining beacon of all that is good, sincere and heart-warming about professional sportsmen with a conscience and a desire to use their status as a means of doing good and 'making a difference.'

So when his calm is broken, when his demeanour changes from languid to livid, for no obvious reason, you know something is wrong. More than one thing, actually.

Kumble has spent 16 years working with and, where necessary, tolerating the media with a whimsical smile and shrug of the shoulders, but he was curt to the point of being inflammatory in front of the usual 20+ television cameras and 50+ journalists before the Ahmedabad test which his side lost so miserably by an innings and 90 runs.

No doubt he had very good reason to be so but his post-match assertion that it was journalists' questions which had soured his mood were well wide of the mark - for once. He was asked about his own fitness and that of fast bowler Ishant Sharma. And that was just about all he was asked before he upped and left.

"We'll know tomorrow morning," he snapped, "after the fitness tests."

It didn't take long before the story emerged of his 'chat' with head groundsman, Dhiraj Parsana, minutes before the press conference during his request for the pitch to be shaved of all grass was rebuffed. That, understandably, was used by the media as the reason for his foul mood.

It seems, however, that more relevant to his curled lip was the fact that many of his senior players were as focussed on the test match as myopic drunks trying to stagger out of a bar at midnight. It was the last thing on their minds.

One television station chose to illustrate the problem with a spoof on a technique used during match coverage, the 'split-screen' analysis.

"Let's see how the two teams prepared for the match," intoned the presenter. "Here, on the left side of your screen, we see South Africa in the nets where they stayed for over three hours. Here is Dale Steyn and Makhaya Ntini bowling, Kallis and Smith batting... and here, on the right side of your screen, we can see India preparing." And there it was, Yuvraj Singh dancing on stage at the launch of his IPL Franchise, Virender Sehwag in Delhi...not much focussing going on.

Incidentally, South Africa's players were also asked to take part in the IPL 'launch season' too but, on management's advice, declined. A thought should be spared for the Indians, however, because - although they might have been willing participants anyway, they did not just receive BCCI 'permission' to attend the functions but were even instructed, in some cases, to take part in promotional and advertising film shoots which lasted well into the night.

Even if the Indian players haven't turned money gah-gah, their bosses at headquarters certainly seem to have done.

This lack of focus from India's leaders is reflected in a media industry that has always been, at best, prone to a bit of hyperbole. A 16-man squad for the final test in Kanpur was announced on Sunday. Here are some of the issues at stake and how they have been explained, with the help of a series of senior officials.

Will Ishant will play? Is the recalled medium pacer Munaf Patel merely on standby for Ishant’s injured big toe/thumb/buttock (take your pick). According to a “well placed source”, Patel’s “attitude to fitness and training” was still as bad as ever. With no specific justification given for Munaf’s recall, one cannot escape the conclusion that he is all that is left. The last time Graeme Smith’s team faced him, in Cape Town a couple of years ago, he might as well have been bowling marshmallows.

Kumble, by general consent, was not fit enough to play in Ahmedabad. The moment the skipper himself confirmed that he would be ‘fine’, it was obvious he was not. In the build-up to the Ahmedabad match, an ‘influential figure’ disclosed that Kumble “would be fine” while a ‘senior official’ said he was “unlikely to play.”

The situation regarding Kumble’s possible replacement if he fails a fitness test before the Kanpur test has now been cleared up. Well, sort of. Some of Monday’s newspapers assured their readers that teenager Piyush Chawla would be a straight swap should the skipper hand over the reigns of control to MS Dhoni…oh no, hang on. Dhoni was on the verge of physical exhaustion and was going to be rested. Maybe.

Niranjan Shah then cleared up the uncertainty over the Kumble/Chawla situation by announcing that “…three spinners will play in Kanpur therefore Ramesh Powar has been selected as cover for Kumble.” Ah ha. An out of form off spinner recently dropped at domestic level on standby for a leggie with 600+ test wickets. Of course.

No, wait, there’s more! Yet another ‘top source’ revealed that Harbhajan Singh was also a doubt for Kanpur having “injured himself while bowling in Ahmedabad.”

So Chawla, presumably, was actually on standby for Harbhajan rather than Kumble? And Shah was merely covering up for the injury to keep the South Africans on their toes. Opener Wasim Jaffer’s place was vigorously debated (code for lots of argument but no consensus) and, although Irfan Pathan never looked like bowling a wicket-taking ball, never mind actually claiming one, nobody wanted to drop a popular cricketer who had, at least, scored some runs in both innings.

Yuvraj Singh, meanwhile, hobbles about the place with what looks like a surgical brace on his left knee but insists that he is 100 percent fit. Clearly not fit enough to make the drinks and keep the dressing room tidy, however, as the call-up of Mohammad Kaif clearly indicates. The 12th man duties cannot possibly be carried out by one man with so many players in the squad. Why else could Kaif possibly have been required?

The Indian team and it's administrators appear to be very close to a state of disarray. They might want to think about seeking an answer to an important question before they finalise the XI for Kanpur. Who actually wants to play test cricket.

Shaun Pollock and Adam Gilchrist have shown that it is OK to give up the greatest and hardest form of the game for the cash of the easiest, as long as you are honest about it. It's time for the Indian team to be honest. That would be better than being humiliated again.