Twitterverse reverse

I’ve done a complete about-turn on this Twitter caper.

In September last year on this very site I wrote a column slamming the insignificance of narcissistic individuals tweeting for the sake of it and boring me to tears.

Well. To be honest that was before I got stuck into this new breakout medium.

Ok … so my thoughts are unchanged re imbeciles who randomly chuck stuff out there that no one is slightly interested in, but I do see the attraction of intelligent usage.

It is actually quite fascinating if you follow the right dudes (note the hip language I now employ) and have a few spare minutes to eavesdrop on their lives. Voyeurism might be a more accurate description.

Who knew for example that British actor, writer and general sophisticate, Stephen Fry, has just flown to Chiang Rai via Bangkok to do a television documentary on … oh … must log on and find out more!

It’s good stuff if you follow the right people who can rub a couple of brain cells together.

Which brings me nicely to my next point.

Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga and her monsters!

What is this ‘out there’ pantomime personality talkin’ about? It must be something captivating because she has eight million dedicated followers.

That is perhaps more support than Barack Obama enjoys in The White House right now!

On Twitter he has 6.5 million followers. Justin Bieber has snaffled 7 million. Clearly none of them are hairdressers!

Kim Kardashian, who has just informed everyone she is on a plane – how does that work? – has 6.1 million sad individuals following her every keyboard update about ‘What’s happening?’ On principle I refuse to follow that airhead and her enormously trivial existence!

Anyway, the bottom line is if you can tail the correct tweeters, then fun is out there.

UPDATE: Stephen Fry’s television documentary is about the hill-dwelling Akha people. Fascinating.

Recently one of my favourite LA-based sports journalists, the amusing Chris Erskine, decided to have some fun with Twitter and speculate about what some sports stars might have tweeted in their era, which was of course BC (before @cyrusmiley).

Here’s my stab at something similar. Enjoy!

@AndreAgassi: I met a German girl today with a large nose.

@BorisBecker: Broom cupboards are not very spacious. Fun but not spacious.

@LanceArmstrong: Good to have a trusted ally like Floyd Landis on my team.

@JohnMcEnroe: I think that umpires have a very tough job and should be respected at all times.

@JoelStransky: Spent some time after training today practising my drop goals. Only 10 minutes cause I never really need them.

@ZolaBudd: Who is Mary Decker?

@FrancoisPienaar: Has anyone seen my spare number 6 Springbok jersey?

@BruceFordyce: Going to run a race from Durban today. Humid here so don't think I will do this again.

@TigerWoods: If only I can nail two birdies today - that will make my evening.

@HerschelleGibbs: Wow this touring stuff is fun bru! Might write a book one day!

@ZinedineZidane: Can't wait for Fifa WC final. Will be a tough game mentally. Must remember to use my head.

@MaryDecker: Who is Zola Budd?

@BenJohnson: I am afraid of needles.

@MarionJones: Isn't it amazing how beneficial flaxseed oil can be!

@DavidBeckham: Who’s that girl? Rebecca Loos or Rebecca Los?

@MikeGatting: Playing against a leg-spinning blonde kid tomorrow in 1st Ashes Test at Old Trafford. Don’t know much about him but understand his control is not good.

@OJSimpson: Does anyone have a small black left hand leather glove out there they want to swap for a Heisman Trophy. I will throw in a Buffalo Bills jersey for a dark blue knit ski cap too. Must also be small.

@CassiusClay: I must be losing my mind. I can’t find my Summer Olympics gold medal that I won in Rome. Cry me a river.

@MuhammadAli: How does this sound? Float like a moth and sting like a jellyfish.

@GaryPlayer: The harder you work, the more modest you become.

BTW … those hill-dwelling Akha people live in stone houses and herd goats, sheep or camelids and have small farms. Musical instruments of the hill people, such as various forms of bagpipe and horn are notable for their ability to be heard at great distances.