The Day Jackman was bugged

I have a story to tell.

Even though the 1st test between South Africa and England is upon us, allow me to indulge in a tale revolving around my good friend Robin Jackman.

The day after the 1st Test in Kanpur, Robin and I started our twelve-hour trek to Kolkata for the 2nd Test. Had there been a direct flight it should have taken no more than two hours, so you can imagine a sense of humour failure was already bubbling below the surface as we departed the Landmark Hotel after the first week of the tour.

Following an at times terrifying two hour drive to the inappropriately named Lucknow Airport, 'Jackers' and I were patiently standing in a queue awaiting the issuing of our tickets for the onward journey. I glanced down and spotted a rather large cockroach cum cricket purposefully advancing towards Robin's baggage. As I pointed it out, his size nine Bata shoes abruptly intervened and stopped it dead in its tracks. I was a little taken aback and half jokingly offered my view that bad karma would make the rest of his day a misery. He shrugged his shoulders and further glared at the airline steward who appeared to be on his own private go-slow. How right I was!

Upon collecting our flying vouchers we ventured inside the airport to be informed that check-in had been delayed by some two hours. This provided Robin with the perfect opportunity to snap up a cheap photocopy version of the latest John Grisham novel. With that tucked under his arm, my flying companion confidently strode to the VIP lounge. Now, let me inform you that anything hotter than a ginger biscuit is too spicy for the 'Fox' and upon entering the lounge he walked straight to the pastry table for some breakfast. In the blink of an eye he gobbled down what he presumed was a sweet biscuit. Wrong! It was a sweet biscuit imitating a fireball and it just about blew his head off. If I remember correctly this prompted my first quip about the revenge of the cricket!

We eventually boarded our Sahara Airlines flight to our halfway stop, New Delhi, and looked forward to a relaxed meal during our 2-hour plane trip. To Robin's disgust, only local food was available and my travelling companion's fuse was getting shorter. My food was delicious by the way.

Arrival and collection of our luggage was uneventful and we made our way to our connecting flight. Due to the delay of our first flight, the second one to Kolkata from New Delhi was also delayed. We were used to that by now and to be honest it was almost expected. Business Class check-in with Jet Airlines appeared to be going smoothly until a rather officious gentleman approached us and singled out 'Jackers'. To his horror (and mine) he had actually been downgraded from business class to cattle class, right at the rear of the plane! As you can imagine, he was on the verge of exploding and shuffled off to the economy security check muttering about the damn beetle!

As I was smoothly ushered on to the front of the plane, I glanced back to witness Robin emptying all the contents of his hand luggage in an unceremonious fashion in front of an unamused security officer. Five minutes of animated discussion later, followed by a body-check, and my friend who was previously known as my travelling companion, found his seat in the last row squeezed between two of the biggest people I had ever seen.......well, from a distance anyway!

I slept..... he didn't.

It was no surprise that I had grabbed my luggage off the conveyor belt and had located our driver before 'Jackers' had even undone his seatbelt. Yes...... you guessed it, his case was the very last to come chugging around the belt on its lonesome! The bad karma of the beetle was working over time.

Eventually my mate, formerly known as my travelling companion, made it to the hotel car and as you can imagine he was now extremely grumpy. It was now about 8.00pm and it had been a very long and trying day for one of us. Even before we left the car park the cricket decided to deliver yet another reminder of Robin's life ceasing actions from eleven hours ago. The driver, in his haste to get going and tackle the snaking traffic in Kolkata, slammed Jackers' elbow in the door of the car. Expletives followed at a ferocious volume as the driver was berated. I, by now, was not game to mention the bug!

An hour later we reached the Park hotel in the centre of Kolkata, which was to be our home for the next week. Upon pulling up in front of the doors, the concierge reached into the boot of the vehicle and unloaded the bags. Problem was, they were all mine! Robin's had been left at the airport. This sent the 'Fox' into a crazed rage! Luckily just before 'Jackers' committed grievous bodily harm to the absent-minded driver, along came another car with some of our television crewmembers. They hastily informed us they had rescued the errant bags.

Understandably, the 'Fox' snatched his bags from the just arrived vehicle's boot, turned on his heels and charged off to the sanctuary of his room....... muttering loudly to himself. Revenge had been sweet for our multi-legged creature.

I didn't see Robin for the remainder of the evening.

I arrived at breakfast early the following morning eager to see what mood my friend would be in. Some fifteen minutes later in trudged 'Jackers' will a bemused look on his face. I must admit I was pleased to see the dark clouds had obviously lifted. He sat down, ordered a very strong cup of coffee, and burst into fits of laughter. Upon regaining his composure he told me the final chapter of his bizarre day. We were now both in an uncontrollable state of hysteria.

Last night upon double locking his room, putting the do not disturb sign on the doorknob, and taking his phone off the hook he decided to get stuck into his book.

It was way past midnight when he realized the last fifteen pages of his newly acquired John Grisham novel were missing!!!!!!!

Bug 10....... Jackman 0.